My Why as a Therapist

My “Why” as a Therapist

Alex Penrod, MS, LPC, LCDC

Why do this work? Surely someone else can handle it, right?. Why on earth would I want to meet with people in some of their darkest moments, absorb the intensity of their emotions, and learn about some of the most painful things that ever happened to them? It’s a question I’m often asked by others and although I know the reason at a core intuitive level, it can be difficult to articulate at times.

I certainly can’t be content with the standard, “I just want to help people,” explanation, as if I’m a saint or super hero. I do want to help people, but my life didn’t start out that way. I was quite selfish and immature for many years. To give it my best shot here, I have to recall growing up as a child and teenager. I was always the one running straight toward things others who were more cautious wouldn’t go near. My curiosity and the exhilaration of finding out what was “behind the curtain” of life led me to some incredible highs, the darkest of lows, and a lot of trouble.

The Descent

Throwing caution to the wind and living the reckless life of a musician was my source of inspiration growing up. Despite my talent and skill as a drummer, I ended up heading down a spiral of addiction and mental health issues in the music scene of Austin, TX. I began to lose friends to suicide and overdose. By my early twenties, I came to know the seriousness and finality of life’s judgment. There are things that happen that can’t be taken back, can’t be put right, and it began to dawn on me that maybe my friends and I weren’t so much running toward our ambitions but more so running away from ourselves and our histories. 

The Ordeal

I lingered in that space for a while, feeling stuck, wishing I had some wisdom for those close to me while slowly drowning myself. But I kept searching. In my own clumsy and mostly accidental way, I ended up getting help. It led to having an experience with my past transforming from an anchor to an asset, the frozen block of emotions dissolving away, and the thoughts that tormented me turning into epiphanies and new insights that felt like someone else’s point of view (someone healthy) becoming my own.

I had a spontaneous recovery after years of addiction, depression, and trauma that led me to writing this paragraph today. Something made me decide to seek help and run with what was naturally shifting in me while many people I grew up with remained trapped by their past, their mental health, and the vices they used to cope. As I gathered together what was left of my life at that time, it was recommended that I start helping people and putting my experience to good use.

The Rebirth

I decided to pursue a career in counseling. As I set out to see what effect I could have on others I quickly realized I’m not in control of anyone else’s experience, decisions, or healing process, as much as I wanted what happened to me to happen for them. I can’t fix anything about myself or my past through other people. This is rule number one of the wounded healer. 

But more often than not, I got to see people grab on to a new sense of hope, skip over many of the pitfalls I fell into, and go on to surpass anything either one of us expected in the beginning. I can’t predict it, control it, or will it into existence for other people, but when it happens for them I wouldn’t miss it for the world.

The Purpose

Getting to see people have those “a ha” moments, release years of repressed trauma, and realize they are capable of so much more than they think they are became the new source of color and brightness in my life, something worth running toward again. Watching people rebuild their relationships, find their sense of purpose, and move into a state of vibrant existence taught me that being willing to navigate through darkness is the way to the light. It continues to reaffirm my belief that people can and do change, heal, and transform under the right conditions.

So why do I do this work? Because despite the pain, hardship, and trauma of life, people can heal, grow, and overcome when given the right support and resources. I’ve witnessed miracles in my life. I’ve also seen the consequences when people continue to feel alone, isolated, and lost in their suffering.

I’m keenly aware that the stakes are high and people’s lives are often on the line. If my services can help others make a turn toward hope and healing that’s what it’s all about. I can’t change things for the friends I lost who never got a chance at healing, but if I can help change things for someone who still has that opportunity, I’m all in. 

Sincerely,

Alex Penrod, MS, LPC, LCDC